Like a giant rigid bran filled shit that merely spins in the bowl but doesn't go down, the Asshole Kicker's Gang lives on.  While we've branched into new avenues, our motto is still the same "We Are Un-Beatable", and our mission is as clear as ever.... to piss people off.  I've currently edged FatMama out of the top spot on X-box live.  Only 73% of players elect to avoid him.  75% of players elect to avoid me.  Fucking twats.

While Call of Duty provides hours of entertainment, and there are plenty of people to offend, it still lacks the bite of holy hell breaking loose in the Fuckhut, or the pure unadulterated awe of turning a corner and being confronted by a man who's pulling his gaping asshole apart.

It is for this reason that we've dusted the cobwebs and refurbished the server and we're ready for an officially sanctioned AHK Smackdown Challenge.  We're going to pick a date and time, and the first 12 of you cunts that message me on here will have your spot reserved.  You self-lubing homos will have my rocket warming your assholes very soon!

Ok, so we're calling you out "Evolution False".  You want to talk turkey, lets do it, and not with an xbox controller in one hand and a dick in the other.  Create an account here, and I will create a forum just for your debate, and let's see how you do with your claims in a proper forum.

Waiting ....

Update:  I think that he realizes he's got nothing but a scripted talk track with which he confuses the unwashed masses with.  You take him off his talk track, he gets mad and mutes you.  Xbox live is hardly the place for an open debate.  More a platform for propaganda.

At any rate, should Mr. Evolution False want to bang heads with serious intellectuals to really put his flimsy theories to the test, we're waiting for him here.  In the meantime, I'm sure we'll continue to find him befuddling unsuspecting gamers.

 How fucking sad is that? 

Are we going backwards in time? With all the fucking shit the government wastes money on, the exploration of space isn't worthwhile enough to continue? The shuttles may be aging, but they got the fucking plans, build a new god damned ship. Or build a completely new one, but keep the shit you got working until then! Bejebus, what's going to happen when the fucking killer asteroid comes our way, how are we going to get Bruce Willis up to the god damned thing to bust it up? Did you think of that Obama?? 

Furthermore, not only do we not have a shuttle, what happened to moon missions? We beat the fucking Ruskies to the moon and then simply lost interest a couple of years later? Where's our fucking moon base? There are no plans in the near future to send anyone back to the moon, let alone Mars. 

How many more years before the last person to set foot on the moon dies, and this ignorant fucking rock takes one giant leap in the opposite direction? 

For fucks sake, this is the space age. I want rocket ships and moon men and laser beams and all that shit. 

What in the fuck?

So some fucking shitbag (IP Address below) decided to wipe his ass on our website spamming for MyTestKing.net.  I had to clean up the mess he made, but I figured I should at least give him something for his spamming efforts.  Below is one of his posts which will be picked up by the search engine spiders, along with my opinion of MyTestKing.net for either spamming themselves, or paying some asshole to do it for them.

MyTestKing.net are a bunch of fucking cunts.

Enjoy!

 It's true.  He admitted it online in front of everyone.

So I woke up this morning thinking it was a day like any other day, full of coffee, sodomy and the occasional ass-grab.  I fire up my trusty e-mail client and SHOCK!  I have a nastygram from the X-Box Live team!

And what does this little love letter from the House of Gates have to say?  It is to inform me of my being banned from Shitbox Live because of something "inappropriate" someone found in my profile.  In other words, one of the stupid pussies on Shitbox Live ratted me out.

All this is terribly funny, as I haven't logged in to Shitbox Live in about two years now.  I decided long ago that I wasn't going to pay Bill Fucking Gates and his idiot company for the privilege of using the DSL line I AM FUCKING PAYING FOR ANYWAY to play stupid GI Joe military sims.

Now what could have offended the tender sensibilities of X-Box Live users so much that they would rat out a defunct account?  I seem to recall setting my profile to "MICROSOFT FUCKING SUCKS" back in 2008.  Yes, I was also a member of the "underground"  gamer group or whatever the fuck they called it so I was supposed to be able to use naughty words.  But as it turns out, some whiny 12-year-old Shitbox fanboy couldn't stand me bad-mouthing Lord Sauron's fucking company and when crying to the shitbox live admins.  BOY THEY SHOWED ME, BANNING A DEAD ACCOUNT I HAVEN'T TOUCHED SINCE 2008.

And once again this just highlights why console gaming is bullshit.  When we at ahkgang.com were hosting our own servers, anything went.  There were only rare cases where we would ban anyone and it was usually for attempted hacking.   Calling Hotbeef a tree-humping furry or Fester a degenerate dog felcher would get you applause, not bans.  You could get away with signing on our forums and calling us the "dumpass Beefclan" and you would be an overnight celebrity.  But High Lord Gates and his minions have tender pussies it seems and can't handle a bit of the rough stuff.

And the funniest part of all of this is that Beefstick, Fester and Mama are all on Live playing those stupid GI Joe sims and  trying to ahkgang their way into infamy, insulting whoever they can.  They haven't been banned yet despite their best efforts.  But my account is so full of kick-ass that not even Microsoft can handle it, despite the fact that I haven't TOUCHED it in two fucking years.  I guess I win this round, right guys?  All hail Lord Chickenhead.

And for the record, MICROSOFT FUCKING SUCKS.  Still.  And so does Shitbox Live and the rest of you rubes throwing money away month after month of the stupid thing. 

 IT IS NOVEMBER THE 5TH.  And what do I see?  I SEE FUCKING COMMERCIALS FOR GOD DAMNED MOTHERFUCKING JEBUSMAS.   The fucking pumpkin-headed corpse of Halloween has not been buried (or composted for you Democratic fuckheads) yet, and ALREADY there are fucking Christmas commercials on TV.

THIS SHIT NEEDS TO STOP, AND IT NEEDS TO STOP NOW.  IT'S NOT THE TWO MONTHS OF CHRISMTAS FOR FUCK'S SAKE.  I will personally boycott ANYONE advertising Christmas shit in the month of November.  I don't care WHO it s.  I just saw a fucking commercial for Wife Beater (I mean Stella Artois) sung to the tune of the "12 days of xmas".  IT IS FUCKING NOVEMBER.  IT IS NOT XMAS.   IT IS NOT XMAS FOR TWO WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS.  FUCK THE HELL OFF.

OK I'm going to do it: I'm going to start the WAR ON FUCKING CHRISTMAS right here, right now.   You fucking shitheads dare to invade my November coma of perpetual twilight with this greedfest BULLSHIT...you asked for it, you are going to get it.

FUCK CHRISTMAS.  FUCK IT UP IT'S STUPID ASS.  If I catch "Santa" on my roof, he's going to get an ass full of rock salt.  I don't care WHAT fucking myth you believe in...if you want to believe in little baby Jebus, go ahead!  But use your brain:  he wasn't born in a palestinian blizzard.  He didn't endorse K-Mart and Wal-Mart.  He didn't personally appoint a fat fucking asshole in Coca-cola red to "spread presents" to the stupid children of the world.  

WHY THE FUCK can't Christmas be like Thanksgiving?  You know...family..friends...turkey.  None of the god damned greed, none of the presidential-appointed "support the corporations" bullshit.  IT IS NOT YOUR DUTY AS A CITIZEN TO SUPPORT "BLACK MONDAY" OR ANY OTHER DAY.  FUCK the goddamned corporations.  If it is every man for himself, I CHOOSE REAL RED BLOODED MEN, not "legal persons" like corporations.  FUCK THEM.  LET THEM DIE A PAINFUL DEATH.

IT IS NOVEMBER 5th, 2010.  If I see one more fucking Xmas commercial, there is going to be cause for violence.  FUCK CHRISTMAS AND FUCK CORPORATIONS.  PASS IT ON, OK?

The great poet William Butler Yeats wrote in his mystical poem, "Things fall apart...the centre cannot hold." His poem was supposedly a rough allegory about how the influence of Christianity was waning and would inevitably collapse.

Were Yeats alive today perhaps he wouldn't be writing about Christianity.  Perhaps he would be writing about the far worse cult, the cult of money.

We've been hearing for years now about how the "end is neigh" and how the financial markets are going to collapse "any minute now." The dire warnings ring out on fringe radio: buy gold! Buy silver! Take colloidal silver until you're as blue as a smurf! "The centre cannot hold!" they promise..."It's gonna fall apart, any minute now!!"

Only, it hasn't. The centre continues to hold. It doesn't matter HOW fucking corrupt things get, the centre holds. From market crashes to bailouts of the crooked fucking bankers to the wholesale theft of homes currently underway in the mass "forclosure" scam going on across America, the god damned centre continues to hold. No matter how dire the predictions of the great collapse, it continues to elude us. In the end, the filthy rich men who run everything continue to be filthy rich. But now, they act openly instead of hiding in the shadows like the cockroaches they are.

Look around you...ignore the "for sale" and "out of business" signs for a moment. What else do you see? That's right...prices. The prices on the bare necessities of life. Pretty god damn high aren't they?  Look at your odious tax load. It's high and only getting higher. Can you honestly say anyone around you is "middle class" anymore?

When it takes an income of over six figures JUST TO LIVE COMFORTABLY in this country, something is VERY VERY WRONG. What's worse is the fact that we've all become like the proverbial frogs in the pot...the heat has been turned up so slowly we STILL haven't done a god damn thing to stop this massacre. We're all wage slaves trying to reach that mythical six-figure salary so we can be middle class again.

And how about the "education" industry? How is it we allowed this to happen?  Oh that's right, we live in Capitalist Mecca and it's every man's god given right to make a stinking profit off the masses. Every for-profit institution of "learning" is a god damned diploma/degree mill. Every fucking greedy last one of them. When you have families SELLING THEIR HOMES just to pay for Junior's university tuition, there is SOMETHING REALLY GOD DAMNED WRONG with this society.

Where I live, the universities have just recently been allowed to "deregulate" the tuitions. Which means now it costs over $23,000 CDN worthless bucks JUST FOR ONE YEAR. Naturally, the breadcrumbs they call "scholarships" have not been scaled up to meet this atrocity.  

University education is a scam. Let me repeat that, louder: UNIVERSITY EDUCATION IS A SCAM. A GOD DAMNED SCAM. WHY is it we now require a fucking bachelor's degree for EVERYTHING? A high-school diploma used to be good enough for 90% of the population to be gainfully employed with but now we're requiring the same 90% to have a bachelor's degree AT GREAT COST TO THEMSELVES for the same fucking jobs! 

I've been through university. I have an honours bachelor degree. Guess what? The fucking thing isn't worth the paper it's laser-printed on. University was a four-year expensive WASTE OF TIME that gave me NOTHING to help with real-world employment. NOTHING I learned in their august halls has ever applied to what I do for a living, and ever will.

WHY ARE WE SUPPORTING A SYSTEM THAT REQUIRES PEOPLE TO GO BROKE just so the parents can have their Kodak moment of Little Mary wearing a mortarboard and cape, holding her way-too-expensive and utterly useless degree or diploma?

Like everything else in this shithole we call "home", for-profit education is a gigantic ripoff marketed with flowery images of "career" and "higher education." Right...I know someone who graduated with honours in chemical engineering from a major university. GUESS WHAT HE DOES FOR A LIVING? He works on a factor floor with the rest of the un-degreed grunts.

The centre cannot hold...and yet it continues to. Yeats was wrong. It is only a grand illusion that this mythical centre cannot hold. It is DESIGNED to hold while looking like it is about to fall apart. The crooks that built this grand spinning wheel have no intention of the system truly flying  apart at the seams. So for all you fools stocking up on kerosene and canned goods: think again. You are being played. Didn't Y2K teach you anything?

The centre will continue to hold until we stop it. We need to throw Mjolner at the centre and smash it into a million glittering pieces. This world needs it's Ragnarok. We need to wake up and say "Today all gods die." But unlike the juvenile "Armageddon" of Christian fairy tales, a real Ragnarok means rebirth after the world is burned to cinders. We, the people, must start again after the gods have self-destructed.

Where is our Thor?   Who is going to kill the great serpent crushing the world?  Who will wield Mjolner and bring Yeats' prophecy to fruition? The centre MUST not hold. For all our sakes.

 

 Ok..I used to like Aerosmith. The OLD Aerosmith, the one from the 70's before they were resurrected by those fucking rappers in the 80's. "Sweet Emotion" is still fucking great. 

But now...what the fuck, who gave them access to Keith Richard's voodoo potion of never-fucking-die? 

Aerosmith was shit in the 80's, but it was the 90's when they needed to be shot. THREE FUCKING SONGS: "Amazing", "Cryin'" and "Crazy". And yes, you CAN superimpose one song on the other and get the same fucking result. SNL even made fun of that. These songs fucking blow chunks. 

But enter Clear Channel, the company that murdered radio. I want to challenge you right now: Turn your radio dial to any FM radio station. Go on, do it. Listen for a while. What comes on? What comes on every fucking day, every fucking week? That's right: "Amazing,' "Cryin'" and "Crazy." I don't care where you are in the continent, this WILL be the case. Just wait long enough and you'll hear "There goes my old girlfriend..." 

According to Clear Channel, pop music was basically frozen in 1997 and didn't change after that. This is why you still hear SHIT Aerosmith, "Love Me" by the Cardigans, " and god damned "Don't Speak" by No Fucking DOOT. Gwen Stefucki's desecration of a Talk Talk classic is something I'll save for a later rant, but this god damned "song" needs to FUCKING DIE. 

It's not enough that you HEAR it. Clear Channel stations will make SURE you hear this endless rotation of aural SHIT every fucking day, every fucking week, THE WHOLE GODDAMNED YEAR, FOREVER. Turn on the radio, wait a while, and one of these SHIT SONGS from the 1997 toilet bowl will come on. I will bet MONEY on it. Never mind that it's 2010 now, IT WILL HAPPEN. 

There is NO FUCKING REASON why "Cryin'" is still being played. It was a shitty song then, it's shitty now. "Train Kept A-rollin" was classic. The original pre-RunDMC "Walk this Way" was classic. CRYIN IS NOT. 

If there is an asteroid out there bound for earth, I pray to whatever pagan gods will hear that the fucking rock hits Clear Channel's god damned head office. And maybe send a few chunks at Aerosmith while we're at it..you old fuckers just need to pack it in and go visit your grandchildren (or bastard children in Olivia's case).

 I recently had much to say about the similarities between cell phones and cigarettes.  I asked quite plainly why the FUCK we are allowing children to get hooked on cell phones while we wage a holy crusade against cigarettes.   Well...along comes the Liberal shithead of a premier of the province of Onterrible, a man who likes to call himself "Premier Dad"...and he says "let cellphones into the classroom."  That's right, this 6-figure-earning lawyer GODDAMNED IDIOT is now saying that stupid-assed teenagers should be able to annoy the fuck out of everyone and disrupt the whole fucking class with their stupid fucking cell phones.  Oh sure he put a bullshit "educational" spin on it, but that doesn't change the enormity of such a colossal cluster-fuck of an idea.  This is CANADA you goddamned idiot!  Cell phones are NOT CHEAP HERE.  All the carriers bend us over and pound us in the ASS with multi-year contracts and geometrically higher rates than anywhere else on the fucking PLANET.  It's quite obvious that this goddamned FUCKHEAD Dalton McGuinty is receiving payouts from Hell Telephone and Robbers Wireless, and he's not even ashamed to fucking show it.  FUCK YOU premier FUCKHEAD.  This is probably the coup-de-gras of all this man's lies and fuck-ups.  As if we haven't been taxed ENOUGH by this shithead, now he wants parents to be bonded in perpetual servitude to GOD DAMNED CELL PHONE COMPANIES.