Ok folks…this is a temporary broadcast, unlicensed, from the Mobile Station of Chicken of Head, CHKFUCKU8HEAD.
It’s the eve of the great Stormageddon du Jour and I’m sitting here listening to my scanner. Not because I want to go out and “assist” the Powers that Be that are actually trained for this shit, but I would like to keep abreast of what the real public servants are seeing out there.
Instead, the local HAM retards are clogging up the bands doing a “stormwatch.” And from what I can gather, this involves sitting in the middle of a local sports complex field with a laptop, looking at a satellite broadcast of the storm hitting New York and occasionally sticking your head out the window to report “it’s raining and kind of windy.”
Now keep in mind, this is not along the coast. We are nowhere near the coast. Yes the storm is going to hit everywhere in varying degrees but seriously…do we need a gang of retards with “licensed” radios driving around in the rain and wind, clogging up the radio bands saying “ooh..it’s windy! And shit..I’m seeing rain!!!”
Now I know all about this brand of HAM. They’re called “whackers” and they’re the ones you see driving around with an afro of antennas attached to their shitbox rusted out Fords with “Emergency Response” badly spelled on the side with stick-on letters. They’re the ones with the fake police-style lightbars on their rusted-out shitboxes, running red-lights and pretending that they are somehow “assisting” in emergency situations. Oh yes, this shit has been well documented by those better than me.
Now I’m going to play the role of righteous angry bastard here. I understand that the “HAM radio” hobby is always trying to justify it’s existence. We keep hearing (usually from whackers) about how “useful” they are in an emergency. But judging from the unadultrated horse shit I’ve been listening to all night, I’d say it’s high time this “hobby” got a big ol’ re-evaluation. See, if you don’t have these overweight losers with no life jumping in their shitbox K-cars playing “stormchaser” and “emergency scene obstacle,” you’ve got the other side of the fence…the “old school” HAMs who are essentially a bunch of old farts sitting around chatting about how they took Rover for a shit and how the bone cancer doctor found an anal polyp and might have to ram a rectal router up their ass. And the rest of the time they argue about who’s following the FCC rules the most diligently and generally being total old fart assholes.
Here’s a newsflash, assholes. HAM radio is a dead art. It just doesn’t know it yet. You assholes have NOTHING to offer ANYONE. Welcome to the 21st century: we can all talk to people on the other side of the planet, all on demand and all without some FCC sycophantic “license.” And none of US are going to rant about newbies “not knowing Morse Fucking Code.”
In the last TWO years just about every broadcaster has abandoned the shortwave bands, save for Commie China. Oh yeah I can hear the latest bullshit from the Party of Mao 24/7, coupled with the endless god damned religious spam flowing forth from the United Fucking States like a broken sewer pipe. But as for meaningful content on the shortwave spectrum? It’s gone–forget about it. Even WBCQ is busy farting out religious BULLSHIT most of the time.
So pack up your retardmobiles and turn off your fucking radios. The fact that you studied ancient technological history to get a bullshit “license” does not make you a safety expert, and it sure as fuck doesn’t qualify you for any kind of meaningful conversation. HAM radio is like Fidonet: a bunch of assholes talking rules and regulations at each other and whining that the hobby is “dying.”
END fucking transmission. And I didn’t need to learn Morse Fucking Code to do it, either.