Ahhhhh, yes my friends, it’s that time of year again. The BBQ sauce is gurgling, the pickle chips are pickling and the slivers of onions are proping up an oversized bun.
It is indeed that time of year. It’s McRib time at McDonalds. McDonalds, much like those shitbags at Disney, like to take their goodies and stash them “in the vault” to artificially drive up demand, and whip the unwashed masses into a frenzy when they do eventually pull the curtain back. In McDonalds case, it’s to drive up year end profits and squeeze every last nickel out of your pockets, all for the pleasure of eating a sloppy god damned sandwhich which you will, mark my words, get all over your fucking shirt.
Not surprisingly, I’m okay with all of that. Hell, I’ve been know to shovel some pretty sloppy fucking shit into my gob from time to time. I’m no stranger to making a mess, neither at dinner, nor in life. Fuck, they practically have to wheelbarrow me through a car wash when I get done chowing over at Famous Dave’s, one of the most delicious BBQ places around btw.
So, you take a slab of pork, dip it in a bath of tangy delicious BBQ sauce and add the fixings, what could possibly be wrong with that?
While your old friend Hotbeef loves to stuff his face, he is pretty picky, especially about some of the more icky things people choose to eat. I was at a traditional Chinese banquette once, and saw people slurping gobs of stanky smelling jelly fish into their gaping maws like it was spaghetti noodles. I saw my buddy take off from the table to put his face into a public shitter to vomit after we saw a little girl scoop the eyeball out of a fish and pop it in her mouth. He was holding his own up until she said “eye’s have a pit in them” and stuck her tongue out revealing a little hard stone. Fuck me, that was gross. At least I didn’t toss my cookies!
So back to the point, what could be gross about a delicious hunk of pork on a bun? They couldn’t possibly put anything gross in that, it’s just a pressed meat patty! Well my friends, behold the truth:
Someone at McDonalds decided when making the McRib to use “a mixture of tripe, heart, and scalded stomach, which is then mixed with salt and water to extract proteins from the muscle.” Now I’m no fancy edumacated poofy poof or anything like that, but I’m thinking they’re not using pig innards because they taste better than more traditional cuts of pork. I wonder, underneath all of that BBQ sauce, does that nasty pork patty taste more like heart, intestine or boiled stomach. We need to find someone from Scotland to weigh in on the matter.
In any event, while you’re driving around this wonderful holiday season in your shitbox cars, clogging up the streets to get to the store just to generally get in my fucking way, and you think to yourself you’d like a nice McRib sandwich that McDonalds has gratiously brought out to end the year and to squeeze whatever hard earned money you have left from you, just remember they’re feeding you some nice greasy pig innards on a bun. Oink Oink!
Don’t believe me, well then you’re a fucktard, but go ahead, read away:
Tell us what you think in the comments below!