Creepozoids: the review

Written by  on December 30, 2012 

Creepozoids

 

hello and welcome u basterds to another movie review from the chica u love the most… PACHUCA!!! so ya, most of u deadbeat losers have probably never even heard of this treasure from the 80′s. its Creepozoids bitch! how do i know about it? im just born knowing this kinda cool shit…. but actually after performing my double matinee at THE FOXTRAP last nite i had a patron ask me if i wanted to go to his place to watch Creepozoids on his flatscreen. i promptly said “fuck off i dont dip my ink in… no wait, i didnt say that…. i said fuck off u creepozoid, thank u for the 20, i’ll be rite back with your lapdance sir”. immediately after that i searched Creepozoids on my laptop and low and behold i found le creeeeeep! so as u can see, the movie poster portrays 2 chics, a dude and an alien…. need i say more? no wait, yes i will say more… there’s a shower sexy sex scene!

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but ya, if u wanna see sum sexy sudsy lovemakin mixed in with giant sized rats giving random unsuspecting females hickeys, then ya… this one’s for u!

starts off 6yrs after a nuclear hee haw, the year is 1998, the very year that (in real life) President Bill Clinton denied gettin it on with cigars and the innocent young intern Monica Lewinsky bullshit. funny how movies and real life sumtimes seem like perfect b-movie popcorn material AND soft porn rolled into one goody bag! that’s what this is, but add aliens, now where was i? oh yes, a nuclear house party happened and there are survivors just wandering around like they always do looking for a place to have another pong party like the good ole days. luck has it they find this abandoned skating rink disguised as a government research facility, that also has a good pinball machine, a jukebox and a few snacks left inside the break area. who doesnt like 6yr old expired snacks after a nuclear war? should i go into the experiments that went down in this roller rink/government facility? well i guess i will… it had sumthing to do with making humans able to create their own amino acids to eliminate their need for food. so then, tell me why was there a snack machine in the break room??? hmmmm…enuff about that, lets focus on the rats. in the future rats are BIG and hungry and love to give unsuspecting women love bites, i think they have vampire powers and at nite they tend to glow, but thats besides the point.

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allow me to focus your attention on the alien, cos without an alien, there’s no alien pong party now is there?

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no of course not, and last but not least the baby… ahhhhhh the baby… what b-movie wouldnt be complete without an adorable baby! insert our bouncing baby boy! this kid just wants what all kids want in any b-movie…. MILK and titties!

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i want to say there’s a happy ending to this… i want to say there’s meaning to your life and u will amount to great things one day, but we both know thats a crock of bullshit, this movie is crap, and so are u for reading this.

 

i give it 4 out of 5 rat tails and i’ll throw in a couple of huggies diapers just to show that i care. but ya this movie was a fun bag of ballsack, i enjoyed it intensely, and u should too! if at all possible u should watch this and see for yourself but let me warn u that the sex scene is the best scene next to the mutating dude with the fat juicy finger lickin fingers.

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Questions? Comments? Want me to watch and review a shitpile movie for? Leave a comment below!

Category : Uncategorized

Comments

2 Responses

  1. chickenhead says:

    Pachuca baby, good to see you again…keep those reviews coming!

    Do a review of “The Stuff” sometime. Talk about a cheeseball movie…

  2. pachuca says:

    excellent choice! consider it done! <33333

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