Why Netflix Doesn’t Suck

Written by  on January 1, 2013 



I, like you, constantly hear about Netflix, and how much it sucks.  Also, I recently  read an article about Reed Hastings, who recently doubled his salary.  Look at this smug asshole, how dare he presume to believe he should earn $4 million dollars in total compensation.  That’s right dullards, I said $4 million dollars.  That’s a lot of fucking twenties to stuff down stripper’s g-strings!

Well, you know what?  I’m here to tell every single one of you cry babies that Hotbeef is totally cool with it.  You know why?  Because personally, I don’t think Netflix sucks, in fact, I think it’s pretty fucking decent.

Now don’t go and get your panties in a bunch.  I know Netflix isn’t perfect, but what the fuck is?  Amazon Prime?  Prime is cool, I don’t deny it, but when I look through the content between the two, it seems pretty similar to me.  I have both, and I like both.  If you are a casual viewer and  have one, you probably don’t need the other.

My first beef (haha I said beef) with Netflix is they do NOT have an email address on their website which I can click on using my interweb viewer browser thing on my lap computer.  I would very much like to click on a link and send them an e-mail, mostly to bitch about my second beef, but I can’t because all they have is a phone number, and I’m very insecure about my squeaky voice on the phone.  I’ve picked up the phone many times thinking about dialing, but I do not.  Come on Reed, let me email you!

My second beef (there, I said it again, get over it), is the XBox interface.  What a horrid piece of shit.  Someone in Netflix really took a big huge shit all over the XBox when they came out with the current interface.  There wasn’t a god damned thing wrong with the old interface, it worked great.  This current interface is positively maddening, and I don’t know a single fucking person who thinks it’s okay.  Just fucking fix it, okay?  Dig up the old version and push it back out, or just make something better.

There, that’s what angers me about Netflix.

I think the whole Kwikster (or whatever it was called) debacle was stupid.  I think the splitting of the pay plans is stupid.  Either way, I don’t really care, and I’m not losing sleep over it.

Let me state for the record, I currently have the streaming plan, and the 1 DVD per month plan.  So, what, about $16 bucks per month, I don’t know.  I make too much money hustling whores to worry about a few dollars here or there.

Here’s what I do like about Netflix.  I don’t use the DVD plan much.  I’ve had a DVD sitting on my desk for a month now, still haven’t watched it.  I can almost always find something on their streaming to watch.  Does the streaming service have every new movie out there?  No, not even close.  If that’s what you’re expecting, you will be disappointed.  What Netflix does have is a lot of good shit that you might not otherwise find.  Right this very moment, I’m watching Fear Itself, some TV show I’d never hear of, but recommended by Chickenhead in on of his other posts.  Yeah, it’s decent.

Netflix also has lots of other shows which I have enjoyed.  Some BBC shows I had never heard of, as well as shows that I had never watched but discovered through browsing, or by word of mouth from other friends.   Netflix has come through more times than it’s let me down.

But Netflix doesn’t have anything worth watching you say.  Netflix sucks, all it has is old garbage.  First of all, that’s not true, but let me explain why they don’t have every new cock sucking movie under the sun.  Two words.  Greedy Fucking Content Providers.  Okay, that’s four words.  That’s right, the same motherfuckers that spend their millions trying to get you arrested for using Torrent technology, and who want to sue your grandmother because someone downloaded shit using her open WIFI are the same assholes to blame for Netflix not having everything you want to watch.  Think about this, Netflix is a delivery service.  Netflix wants to provide you with everything you want.  Netflix will provide you everything it can afford to make you happy.  Netflix wants to make you happy.

Greedy fucking studios who want to pull your panties down and give you the old bu-fu see that Netflix has stumbled upon something good, and want to make sure they get off before anyone else does.   A content provider like Starz wants to renew their contract with Netflix and charge on the order of FIVE times what the previous contract was worth.  Netflix, not prepared to pass the bu-fu on to you has to decline getting the bu-fu on your behalf.  So what’s the answer, my Netflix hating friends?  It’s easy… just go down to your local Best Buy, and purchase the movies you want to see on DVD.  That’s what studios want, and hey, Netflix are a bunch of assholes anyway, right?

That doesn’t mean Netflix is sitting idly by though, they just signed a huge deal with Disney to start providing content in 2015.  Guess where you’re going to watch the new Star Wars movies over the next few years.  That’s right fuckers, on Netflix, because they’ve laid out the cash to make sure you’re covered.

LilyhammerAlso, in a very smart move, Netflix has worked to become their own content provider.  This may in the long run prove to be what saves them.  Has anyone watch Lillyhammer?  What a cool fucking show.  Where you going to see it?  Netflix.  They have some new show coming out in February.  If I weren’t half in the bag, I would probably remember what it was called.

Netflix, also, is on every device you want to watch content on.  You want to watch it on Android, you got it.  You’re an asshole and you want to watch it on your iphone or ipad? Guess what, you can.  Your XBox, Playstation, Computer, Roku, whatever.  You want to watch it, guess what you can.  Try to fit a fucking Redbox in your shirt pocket.

My main suggestion to Netflix with regards to content is this.  Raise the fucking service price.  Stop worrying about the $8/month price tag.  Either raise the price, or come up with a tiered solution.  I would happily cancel my 1 DVD plan, and pay double, or even triple per month for a streaming service with more content.  Just do it.  Fuck, I pay over $100/month for my cable, and there isn’t shit to watch on that.  Stop worrying about being the cheapest service.  It’s what people criticize you for the most is content.  Raise the price and provide the best content.

As for the rest of you lame fucks complaining that you’re going to cancel you $8/month because Hastings got a raise, or because some new movie isn’t on there.  Go ahead.  Just go buy the shit at the store instead, see if you come out ahead.  Hastings started Netflix with his own money and efforts, and this is America baby.  That dude should earn every penny he can for his hard work.  Anyone who disagrees is very likely stupid.

In the meantime, Hotbeef and the rest of the AHK Gang loves Netflix, and Reed, you’re alright in our books.

Tell us what you think in the comments below.

Category : Uncategorized


2 Responses

  1. Joe H says:

    Great post. Best line was about paying 100/month for cable and shit not being on there. I hear that and it’s the truth. I’d pay pre than 8 bucks for more content.

  2. chickenhead says:

    Netflix indeed does NOT suck. I have no idea why people whine about it so much. I can’t think of anything I pay $7.99 a month for that gives me as much raw content as Netflix. I fucking threw out my satellite dish because of it.

    Now they aren’t perfect. The current interface for Netflix is fucking crap and I wish they’d fix it. It’s basically totally broken on Android and has been for a while.

    The only other thing I can fault Netflix for is being in MicroSHIT’s back pocket. They are basically the ONLY ones on planet earth using MicroSHIT’s utter failure replacement for flash called “Silverlight.” I don’t care if the chairman of the board sits in on MicroSHIT’s inner Star Chamber, get with the program…if you’re going to be properly cross platform, DUMP SILVERLIGHT. This should have been done years ago.

    The fact that Netflix and Disney became BFF’s is the biggest win for Netflix I can think of, no matter what you think of Disney. Netflix is now front and centre to distribute the Star Wars franchise, both old, not-so-old, and yet-to-come. And even though they are losing money on the deal with Uncle Walt, they refuse to raise their fees. That’s fucking awesome.

    So anyone whining about Netflix can kindly shut the fuck up. I was paying over $100 per month for my shit-assed satellite system and got only 1/100th of the content I get on Netflix, and it was laced with endless fucking bullshit commercials.

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